In Which...I pick up where I left off

It's been quite awhile...and so much life has been lived...and because of that, I haven't been able to get back to writing because, well...I've missed so much of our lives to write about. And it feels like there's a big hole, but that hole has been far from empty & I kept thinking I'd catch up our lives here, but the longer I go, the bigger the hole gets.
So, I guess, I'll just have to leave it & maybe I'll fill in the gaps here and there, but for now, I need to start writing about my days so I don't lose anymore of them for my future memories.
So, today, I'm kind of reflective & introspective.
This morning, I renewed my RN license. I haven't worked as an L&D nurse in several years since I stay home now...I miss it sometimes, but mostly I'm just thankful that I have it.  I'll always renew it even if I never go back.  My son (he's 18 now & is graduating from homeschool this year) sent me a graphic on facebook about nurses because it said share if you love a nurse. He said this with it:


"...you may not be a nurse in a hospital anymore but I couldn't ask for a better nurse, relationship advice giver, friend or mother. I love you mom


And that kinda made my day.  Actually, it kinda made a lot more than that.


Last week, at homeschool gym class with my little girls (now 7 & 11 yrs old), the wife of the director team for our HS group asked me if I'd be the speaker for the Ladies Tea this month.  First, I was shocked, then I tried to dodge asking when it was.  I thought I was off the hook because it was scheduled for my girls' first Junior Rodeo weekend.  But, then she said she'd gladly change the date because she really wants me to be the speaker.  I am always in the background or on the sidelines for our homeschool group, so this was a shock & I sure don't want to do it.  But, after she changed the date, I felt like I was supposed to. But I have no idea what to talk about & I'm kinda scared because public speaking isn't my thing.  I don't even like to ask questions in front of a group. I have done it some, but I don't like it.  So thankful my kids all take after their father and are outspoken & confident & extroverts.  So, this morning, I get the email to our HS group & i'm mentioned in it.  Here's what it says:

"I have changed the ladies tea to April 16th, which is in 2 Saturdays.   Holly will  bring an encouraging word for us.   Most of you have met Holly at gym and I guarantee if you've had the pleasure to start talking with  her, she encouraged you in some way about homeschooling and mothering.  Holly has persevered in homeschooling for many years.   One attribute that stands out to me about Holly is her tender heart for her children  Her lifestyle and  schedule reflect her devotion to her family.  I hope many of you can come and let your appetites and spirits be fed!"

So, several points:  I'm okay in a one-on-one encounter, but a group setting is a different story. I'm still homeschooling, but I don't think I'd call limping along persevering. I am devoted to my family, but lately, the new business my husband started a couple years ago has left me short on time, energy, focus & my organizational skills aren't up for everything that goes on here.  Right now, I don't know how I can "feed" anyone. And, I'm disappointed in some aspects of our homeschooling.  Some of it is great & has gone great, but I feel like a slacker lately. I guess I don't have to be having a perfect situation right now to encourage someone else though...

If anything, this is motivating me to get back in the game more.  And, I know the Lord will meet me where I'm at and help me to speak at the Ladies Tea.  And, also do a better job teaching my younger kids.  The oldest is in college & the second oldest is graduating this year and also working a job too.

So, this morning, I took a walk in the fresh snow...yes, we got more snow. The walk helped clear my head. I'm still feeling introspective, but it kinda feels good to just think, feel & be without figuring out solutions right now.  I know God is walking with me even when I feel like I'm walking alone. Some walks you have to take alone...but I'm confident the Lord is beside me & will meet me where I'm at.