A Small Flickering Flame

The other day as I was sweeping the floors for the third time before lunch time, I became discouraged.
It seems like the floor never gets clean no matter how often I sweep or mop.
The sink is never empty no matter how often I do the dishes.
The laundry is never finished. Ever.
Sometimes school subjects don't get completed in a day. And finally putting away the schoolbooks at 9:00 pm (unfinished) feels like admitting defeat and failure.
The many interruptions in the day make my thoughts feel like angel hair spaghetti in a centrifuge.

Sometimes, none of the above bothers me at all. I don't even think about it. And at this particular moment, I had no reason to be frustrated. The baby was asleep. All the other kids were outside. I was alone.

But, I still couldn't think clearly. There were so many things that I could see I should do as quickly as possible-before the baby woke up and before the kids came back inside.

I didn't feel like calling anyone. Didn't want to get on the computer. Didn't want to go outside & talk to dh about it.
I made myself start praying while just "doing the next thing."
As I prayed, I slowly began to feel better. The spark of joy began to catch & turn into a small flicker of flame.
For awhile, it seemed to sputter-like when you start a campfire and can't get enough oxygen to it-or if you're using wet wood. I have a lot of experience with sputtering campfires-I can't start a good campfire for the life of me.

Anyway, it never turned into a rip roaring flame. I don't have a great whiz bang happy ending for this post. I had a lot of wet wood & not enough oxygen, but that little flicker kept me going-as long as I kept praying throughout the day.
That little flicker was just enough. I read somewhere recently that sometimes "just enough" is good enough.

You know what-I'm glad I didn't call anyone or get on the computer for encouragement. So many times I run away from God rather than run towards him.
Just being quiet and "being" with God while sweeping-instead of running away towards distractions to feel relieved from the discomfort of feeling "blah" made me feel peaceful-in a strangely simple way.

And you know what else? I began to feel small tingly twinges of thankfulness-for the floor that my dh laid down himself-and sanded 3 times and poly-urethaned 2 times. For the dogs that shed. For the sweet children that track in mud and every kind of manure you can imagine. For my dh who hollers at the kids who track in mud-while he walks thru the kitchen with his boots on-tracking mud.
It's kind of a bittersweet thing.
I can't stand the mess, but I do love those mess-makers.