Children Get older; I'm Getting Older too

The last few months really took on a life of their own...at no direction from me, in fact, against my will to be honest. I've loved watching my kids grow up & they grew up to be my best friends. I've watched 3 of them grow & 2 of them leave a few years ago...I should be seasoned at this. But I'm not. My 3rd one moved away a month ago after her life cataclysmically changed in direction and focus. Of course, once your kids are teenagers you can't talk about them so much anymore. They want and deserve privacy. And this is partially why it's such a shock to parents, I think...we all talk about our babies: sleep schedules, diapers, milestones...but it's rare that anyone talks about the teen years...the highs are really high, the lows are really low and the middle is full of hoping you're supporting them how they need you to, holding your tongue when you want to tell the crappy friends or boyfriends or girlfriends off and more praying that I have ever done in my life. 

The young adult leaving is a whole 'nother level & has been the hardest part of parenting for me yet. Almost every mom I've talked to about this agrees that they'd go back to nursing & potty training in a heartbeat. It's a beautiful season, but like the song, it's full of joy and pain. For me, I realize that I don't trust God as much as I thought, and I still need refining...I guess that doesn't end does it. Raising humans has made me a better human, albeit more tired and worn to be sure.

I never understood when parents were so excited for their kids to get through stages or to go back to school after the summer. I've loved raising them, learning with them; they are my favorite people to be around. 

So, anyway, Susanna (19) got an incredible job opportunity, one that she couldn't pass up, but it's 23 hours away from home. She had other plans for her life that had abruptly ended, she never wanted to live far from home or live in this particular state but she's prayed to be in the center of God's will and this is where He led her...after shaking up her entire life and sifting out people that didn't belong in it. You would not be mistaken if you guessed there's a whole big unshared story within this little paragraph. And that is how most teen stories are...untold and only known by them & the people closest to them.  I'm so thankful to have a front row seat to her amazing life, to see God working miracles within her. The night before she left, she got baptized, which was beautiful with many details & friends involved in it. 

The next day she & I got to take off across the country together in her truck, took 2 days of travel, a hotel stay and 2 nights with my oldest daughter, who lives 8 minutes from her now. I stayed there for a week and a half, helping her set up her house, found her a chiropractor, made a bunch of freezer meals for her & her housemate.  It really was a gift to me that she let me do these things.  My oldest daughter and son didn't want me to when they left. They're all different and that's okay. I flew home and to be honest, my thoughts & feelings have been unstructured and random, oftentimes very raw, but mostly kept to myself.

I have one last child home now, she's 15. I've always been very aware that even though the days are long, the years are very short...now that I'm down to my last one, I'm doing my best to make the days count even more so. If my eyes could take pictures, this life would flash before my eyes in a continuous slide show. 

It kinda already does lol. I have been so very blessed <3